Female Founder Friday with Natasha Natarajan
As a kid, my mom would get me Betty and Veronica comics which I lapped up. Laying on my belly on the carpet flipping page after page to see if Jugghead would finally triumph or if it would yet again be a tug-of-war between the blonde, brunette, and redhead, reading comics seemed to be the perfect outlet for a young girl’s imaginaton to flourish on all the possibilites (and arrangements) of love, loss, and high school entangelments. While the same teenage fantasy was a projection of what could happen, reading Archie now feels like what didn’t happen. Is there a comic for a millenial that can illustrate (pun intended) the same angst, societal pressure, and just general awkward humanity that we all seem to grapple with? The answer is yes.
Meet Natasha Natarajan, creator of FML Comics whose autobiographical comic strip is an indepth exploration of both the tangible and existential parts of her existence. The beauty of her work is that it unabashadly brings to light the anxieties, musings, and questions that we all seem to internalize.
Natasha Natarajan | Chikaboo Designs
JA: How did you start FML Comics?
NN: Out of angst, self-awareness and humour? Let me try and explain… I was obsessively entertained and embarrassed by an experience with this sound engineer from work in 2015. We’d shared an awkward drunk moment together and I couldn’t stop thinking about it and laughing at the absurdity of my obsession. I don’t know what brought me to doodling the moment. I hardly drew. I didn’t know about paper types or pens or comic art but then I found myself drawing comics using whatever was lying around. I started drawing more of my anxieties and thoughts. It helped me. Enabled me to laugh at myself. Sometimes other people laughed too. For 6 months or so I didn’t do anything with them. Then I did.
At first I published them on a website with views by 2 friends, maybe more. Then in 2016 I printed my first issue. Stapled them all myself with no intention of making my money back. I found the zine community. I even sent the guy in this comic a copy with a letter saying thank you. Fuck knows if he remembered me, let alone the moment. I don’t know what he thought. But now here I am 3 years later with an Instagram account and with 4 issues, at least breaking even and with a tool to survive the world I find overwhelmingly hard sometimes.
JA: Have you always done art or is it something you came to later in life?
NN: It’s easy to look back and trace the ‘red thread’ as it were but I studied History and though I’ve been a professional Graphic and Web Designer for the past 7 years, I never really considered myself artistic. Even my comics seemed too basic or juvenile to be ‘art’. I think the term ‘art’ carries a heavy weight that needed to be demystified. That only really happened for me in 2017 when, confused and jobless, I enrolled in a Foundation Art Course in Scotland. I’d always wanted to explore my creativity and it was only then, alone on an Island and doing art 5 days a week that I realised how much I was drawn to art. I discovered that I could be an artist. Still it’s taken me a while to call myself an Artist or acknowledge my work as being art. Even now it’s a triumph when somebody asks me what I do and I respond by saying “I’m an Artist”. So in summary, I think I’ve always done art, but only really acknowledged it, taken pride in it and worn the hat in later years.
JA: Since so much of the story arc is based on your life, how much planning/editing goes into each strip?
NN: FML Comics has always been a medium for me to reflect on issues from my everyday life. Especially moments that I obsess over and that elicit a strong emotional response from me. In that way, there is no planning. My content comes to me. But there is a significant amount of thinking that goes into them. I try to get to the bottom of the feeling I am experiencing - why do I feel this way? Is this about something larger than me? What is my message? I write a script and draw some panels in pencil with stick figures, something I was taught by a contemporary (MariNaomi). They look pretty messy and illegible to be honest. It’s just a way for me to organise my thoughts. Sometimes I’ll keep making these until the comic feels right. Sometimes I’ll have to return to the idea after a couple of days. Sometimes I keep the idea in my back pocket hoping that the resolution will come to me in time. After that I draw the comic in pencil, ink it, erase the pencil marks and then colour it with watercolours. After that I scan it and do a bit of editing in Photoshop. I pop the colours and fix any mistakes I’ve made. Sometimes I’ll even decide I want to use a different word and I’ll photoshop it in. So there’s no planning but there is quite a bit of editing involved.
JA: Why do you think there has been a reemergence of the zine? What about it resonates with millennials or more so, Gen Z?
NN: That’s a great question! I suppose I relate it to the rise of consumer technology. There’s a lot of creatives in my class/generation with laptops, design software and the means to pay for a professional print. There’s nothing stopping us, why wouldn’t we? I also think we feel entitled to a voice, a fulfilling expression of ourselves, and we’re very engaged with our creativity. No doubt the advent of social media means we’re also less shy of being ‘public figures’, less afraid of sharing our selves. There’s also a resurgence of DIY culture, the rise of voices traditionally in the margins of society, a rise in alternative/underground politics and an audience to support them.
Still, the rate at which zines have taken off has really surprised me. When I started printing my comics/zines in 2016 I didn’t know what a zine was, there were a couple small zine fairs in Edinburgh and that’s it. Now they’re everywhere and there’s such a big open community. I love it!
JA: Any plans to turn FML Comics into a graphic novel?
NN: You know, I always thought I should attempt to write a graphic novel. That seems the way to go, what successful comic artists do. But the past year I’ve realised that I really love my format. It suits my expression. I like the concise messages and the way I capture moments. I like that I can make content as my life is happening. I like that I can have other careers. And I like that it’s not a commitment to read my strips but you can still draw something poignant from them. I don’t really have an idea for a long form story anyway. Maybe I will one day but even then, I don’t have the money to dedicate my time to developing a graphic novel. And you know what - I’m not sure I have the drawing skills or patience! The truth is, dare I say it - I think I prefer comic strips to graphic novels anyway. I identify more with the history of cartooning and Cartoonists than anything else.
JA: What’s been the general response to FML Comics honest and biographical portrayal of your life?
NN: It’s been so life-affirming. When I first started, I thought I’d lost it. I didn’t think anyone would care. I’d never seen autobiographical comics, I didn’t know about the alternative/indie comic scene and so I thought I’d become a crazy narcissist. But oh. my. god. from day 1 people have seen themselves in the strip and been entertained or heart warmed by the honesty. Where I’ve really dared to reveal my innermost thoughts or most embarrassing moments, people have come to me and expressed their gratitude. I’ve received lovely emails and messages from random people all over who’ve come across the work at a shop or zine fair or been given them as a gift by someone else. I’ve even made friends out of it! Women and women of colour especially have been really taken by the strip and felt less alone in their struggles. I mean, I’ve felt less alone in my struggles through it!! It’s been so fulfilling to learn that we’re not all that different actually, not deep inside.
JA: Aside from drawing, what other ways do you destress?
NN: I’m all about baths. Baths and bubbles. I also love playing my guitar and singing. On a productive day I do yoga. Other times you’ll find me in bed with Netflix. I also recently got into a relationship after 3 years of feeling painfully alone and I find it relaxing to be inches from his face.
JA: Who do you go to for support?
NN: Friends. Old friends. My mum, sometimes my dad. And now I have a partner I can go to!! But honestly I’m an only child and I left home when I was 13 - I’m quite good at supporting myself. Comics are a huge support. They really help me process emotions I’m struggling with. And all the above mentioned de-stressers; playing the guitar soothes me, it requires a focus that distracts me from my thoughts. I’m also a fan of classic jazz standards, I can be found cuddling my speaker. Having a bath feels nice. I like warmth and being in water.
JA: Where do you see FML Comics in 5 Years?
NN: I don’t think like that. Not in any area of my life. It’s both a weakness and a strength but I think I function best without those time frames - I’m not very business-minded and the future scares me. Perhaps one day I’ll get better at it. Mostly, I hope that in 5 years I still have time to make comics and the finances to print them. I hope I find the process just as fulfilling. I hope people still read them and buy the issues once in a while. I hope I still table at zine fairs, meet nice people and get to have deep chats with my audience. I hope for no more and no less really. I don’t aspire to be famous. Maybe a bit more money, so that I don’t feel so guilty when my comics take up a lot of my time.
Outside of the art itself, I am interested in community art and education. I have recently done some teacher training. In 5 years I would like to use my comics and artistic expression for a function beyond themselves. I do workshops and have developed training videos, I hope that brings me new adventures.
JA: Favorite quote?
NN: Ahhh, that’s hard. I have soooo many. I’m such a quote collector. But I’ll give you one that has spoken to me recently.
“When you get these jobs that you have been so brilliantly trained for, just remember that your real job is that if you are free, you need to free somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else. This is not just a grab-bag candy game.”
Toni Morrison
To read FML comics: www.chikaboo-designs.com/fmlcomics
@fml.comics
For an extended video interview: www.chikaboo-designs.com/2019/07/25/fml-comics-interview-with-an-unpaid-intern-friend/